Music: John Mayer- Comfortable
Mood: Strange, Empty Sensation
"our love was comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect
so flawless
or so they say"
Comfortable is a good way to describe how I feel about college. Four years here at UT, I've become comfortable. My college experience was anything but perfect or flawless, but it has been comfortable.
After an extremely rough week, I can officially say that I am not yet ready to graduate because I am so comfortable. For me, high school was not the most exciting even though I throughly enjoyed my high school years. College was a place for me to start over, to explore my identity, discover my passions, start and cultivate new and old friendships, and develop my place in the world.
With graduation only a month away, I'm scared and nervous. The future is so uncertain, and I am not ready for the change. I'm comfortable where I am, with the friends I've made, the college routine I've established, and the carefree lifestyle I currently live. Moving to Dallas and starting work signifies the start of a new life, full of responsibilities, obligations, long hours, less holidays and personal time, and commitments. It also means the start of new relationships and more independence.
Attending the wake and funeral of a high school friend this past weekend was emotionally and spiritually draining for me. While I didn't know him too well, I left feeling tired and sad. Life is extremely short and valuable. I am thankful for my loving parents and my amazing friends. Without them, my life would not be what it is and I would not be who I am today. I know I take for granted my friendships and the people I know, and I am truly grateful to be part of their lives. Even with acquaintances, I've found myself making a genuine effort to say hello and find out how they are doing. There is no point in holding grudges or complaining about small things. There's no reason to think you're better than or cooler than someone else, and I know for a fact that this weekend has change my view on life. While I've always been an advocate of living in the present and welcoming the future, I know that after this week, I want to be remembered as someone who was caring, selfless, and enjoyable to be around.
I'm pleased with who I've become over the last four years in college. I think I've grown mentally, physically, and emotionally, and I will be sad to say good bye in a month. I'm making an effort to say hello to people I don't really talk to and to be bold. Unhindered by social norms, I am trying to reach out, go out on whims, be the one to initiate, and say "yes" more than "no." I'm trying to live up my last month here in Austin, relish the present, and embrace what is in store for the future.
Comfortable.
